I Could Watch You Forever

Just because I've always had a thing for drummers & Skrillex (;

So I'm finally done with my spring semester exams, which brings me that much closer to my graduation in the summer, and ultimately the big mass of infinite grey area that is my future in the 'real world'. As it draws nearer, it doesn't become any clearer, it just becomes much more fuzzled - like a tv channel that hasn't been tuned to the right frequency - and even as I squint my eyes to peer through the gloom, I find myself subconsciously taking a few steps forward, as if there is something there that beckons me. Once in a while I'll stumble, only to slowly stand back up again to cautiously find my footing once more. After every fall, I get up, but by now I'm no longer taking big clumsy steps into the grey abyss; I am instead gingerly sliding one foot in front of the other, carefully inching my way forward to whatever it is that calls out to me.

But before I can find out what lies in the big unknown, I have to fix my gaze downwards to whatever it is that has settled itself in front of me & deal with that first. Currently, the biggest thing I have to focus my attention to right now is the dissertation that basically determines whether or not I graduate in July. I have to say, it's no longer as scary as I thought it would be, but I guess that's because I'm already halfway through my final year. Sometime last December, I had gotten to a point where I just wanted to throw in the towel (as did most of my fellow APMSers), but after a period of moping and moaning, I realized that I just had to buck up and finish whatever it is I had started. I didn't come this far to let myself down in the home stretch.

Which brings me to right now. So here I am, writing this while waiting to take out the cheesecake that I made for someone who actually ordered it after having it during Christmas out of the oven, engulfed by the wonderful, sweet smell of it slowly baking. It's also raining outside - the rhythmic pitter-patter of the rain drops providing a familiar, comforting soundtrack to the night - and I'm glad that I can now appreciate the calm that comes with it. I've decided, that once I've set the cake in the fridge, I'm just going to go straight to bed. Not to sleep, oh no, but just to curl up & enjoy the lovely weather (: I may even pick up one of the many novels I've so heartlessly left to collect dust on my bookshelf since last year, but I guess that will depend on whether or not I doze off first.

Oh, how nice it is when your main concern is only to choose between sleep and reading. It's nights like this that I've missed so dearly.